BuZZzzz....words

One Year..that is a lot it seems.

2011-09-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

The semester ended in a way it generally did, or at least nearly so. The results a fortnight later would not be a very accurate indicator of it though. It was time to get back to our leisure, the endless hours of doing nothing, yet probably being the most productive phase of our lives. The enlightenment achieved in this time cannot be explained in lecture notes, reference books or tutorials. Yet it is important to shape us, to define who we are. Most part of the semester went by in a similar fashion, exempting the weeks towards the end, when we sort of have to complete our duties towards the university. However, it was different this time. We were not supposed to come back to that place anymore. It was time for us to go to a new one, with promise that it was not going to be the same, devoid of the intellectual partners of our leisure. It was time for us to take care of the stuff we had considered trivial in all those conversations in our leisure. How are we supposed to do that? There was no satisfactory answer to that. I was convinced I was not prepared for it. But just as life manages to make you do all the stuff that's stranger than fiction, I eventually did. While I acquiesce to the fact, I did not do an excellent job, I was competent. And I realised something. Letting go of a dream is painful. Chasing it, even more. The twist is in the hope of gaining satisfaction in achieving it someday. I knew I had to return to the path that could take me where I wanted to be and not the one I landed up in because I was not confident, and wanted to resort to the options we had initially opposed just because it was safer. That brings me here. Today. I know more about fighting than I ever did. It's not about how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and still move on. The importance of inches. How to fight for each one of the inches in front and willing to die for it. How everything as small and fragile as an inch is worth fighting for. In our imaginations a few years back, we did not conceive the fight, chasing a dream is all about. The temptations of glory and ego-contentment drove me into this lane. When I am finally there, I realise that the motivation of glory is not enough. It is about survival. It was always about survival. Survival is the cause and consequences of our dreams, aspirations and hopes. Dreams define the way we want to survive, not survival itself. This brings me closer to appreciate all the people who are doing so well in their lives, fighting and surviving with their dreams, which in my adolescent intellectualism I considered humble. The prestige of life is living it. The best possible way to do it is to remain guiltless in our own conscience, and justice to our own perspective. The others, who matter, will learn to understand and respect it. And if that way, manages to inspire or influence anyone else to fight their own battle, life becomes more, because it becomes light, a gift with a message.

Legends of the Arena

2011-03-25T05:06:00.000-07:00

March 24, 2011
The outcome of the quarter finals definitely signified the end of an era. Going into it, a defeat for either side would have underlined the departure of one of the two maestros of the cricketing world from the world’s most coveted stage of the game- permanently. Sachin Tendulkar and Ricky Ponting. Undeniably the greatest batsmen still in the game, they share almost all the records amongst themselves and together illustrate the best exponents of one-day cricket phenomenon. Overwhelming critics, negotiating expectations, eluding time- they have wielded magic at the world’s most prestigious arena, time after time. Their world cup records adequately representing that, yet excluding the influence they exerted to their own teams and their opponents. However, throughout their careers, Sachin managed to edge past Punter as far as statistics, reputations and opinions are concerned, and dear Punter had to remain contented being the second best in the minds of cricket experts and aficionados. These superlatives of world cup confronted each other in what could possibly be their last venture on the world cup canvas had their side lost. And as the Aussies were eliminated, Destiny probably decided to give the best another go, over the world’s next best. Ponting has chased Sachin in all his records, reaching pinnacles himself, yet living in the shadow of the tallest peak, yet in the agony of winning the silver. In the cricketing sky without Tendulkar, Punter is the brightest star. He made his point as he walked away today- the champion in his own right. Sometimes you just feel for him, just as this limerick says-

Had Sachin been not so much into cricket
Punter could have got himself the ticket
To journey ahead of all the rest
Instead of being the second best
And a little more value for his wicket.

Duality

2009-10-30T14:20:00.000-07:00

If it wasnt for the bad, I would have never known the good
If I hadn't been mad, I would have never known what I should
I learnt to be polite only after I faced the rude
If it wasn't for sad,
I could not have felt glad
It was the wrong that showed the way to right
It was the night that made me realise daylight
It was all the extremes to which I had been
And everything that lies in between
I realised nothing is absolute, and its never too late
To change, to grow, to build up a fate
An eventful journey, but I have no regrets
Because in the course of things, it was you whom I met.

Life in a Vision

2009-06-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

When i go to sleep every night, i just visualise a happy moment comprising of factual and fictional details accompanied by the perfect background chimes resonating in my mind. That’s how I end my day so that I might endure another as beautiful on the next. And maybe it will be the same (assuming I will be experienced practicing it by then ) when the ultimate end comes. What would I see then? Which vision will tingle my feelings until I feel no more. I think my quest of life is the search of the perfect reminiscence – the vision from life, and as of now there are plenty of options to chose from, from a particular day, the one day in which I almost lived my entire life. It started out on a wrong note, my clumsiness resulting in our missing the bus, to be exact, but it grew into something perfect. If smiles represent happiness, what does insane laughter signify? Happiness with all strings loose. There we were amidst happy people ; happiest of all in the city which was important enough to be claimed and occupied by four great nations , in the brightest of sun. There is a sense of delight in fulfilment after the realisation of a dream; and personally, standing at the center of Berlin was a dream come true; but I don’t know what can portray the bliss touching the G-spot of our hearts- tears, smiles, shouts,…..when we experience something beyond the reach of our dreams. This obscure ecstacy constituted all our emotions and engulfed us as we stood in the cruise…we shared and bonded in the same unexplained joy.., which took me days to realise.

Could I get back those moments of happiness for rent,
For the one precious smile in this pain they meant;
Let those memories fill the emptiness that is inside me
Let those visions illuminate the darkness and make me see...

Success

2009-06-04T02:31:00.000-07:00

Life is all about who you are and who you are remembered as, and it is a successful life when they are the same.

Men are from Mars, Women from Venus

2009-05-22T10:20:00.001-07:00

This is just pasted from one of the Offbeat Enough posts..worth reading.

Here’s a prime example of ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ offered by an English professor from the University of Colorado for an actual class assignment.

The professor told his class one day: ‘Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right.

‘As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.’

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students, Rebecca and Gary.

*THE STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) *

At first, Jennifer couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

*(second paragraph by Gary) *

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Jennifer with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. ‘A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,’ he said into his transgalactic communicator. ‘Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…’ But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

*(Rebecca) *

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it’s pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. ‘Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel’, Jennifer read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed

unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. ‘Why must one lose one’s innocence to become a woman?’ she pondered wistfully.

*(Gary) *

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anudrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Jennifer.

*(Rebecca) *

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

*(Gary) *

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of V@lium. ‘Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F****** TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I’m such an air-headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!’

*(Rebecca) *

A**hole.

*(Gary) *

B****!

*(Rebecca) *

F*** YOU – YOU NEANDERTHAL!!

*(Gary)*

In your dreams, Ho. Go drink some tea.

*(TEACHER) *

A+ – I really liked this one.

Into the West

2009-05-17T01:30:00.000-07:00

Day as a unit of measurement of the dimension fundamentally known as time has perpetuated or resulted as the consequence of the primary fact that earth is round and rotates about an axis. This enables us to go back in time, here day, by traversing space, the other fundamental dimension. It may therefore be possible to traverse time,( in other units also) by exploring space and exploiting the symmetry or asymmetry of the structure of the universe and its behavior.

Mot du Jour-Hero

2009-05-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

Who is a greater hero...A seasoned champion or an unrated underdog who manages to pull off the unexpected?? Obviously it is a foolish and more so selfish attempt to compare greatness but I here fall victim to the temptations that human mind can barely resist, i.e. the tendency to interpret and define an abstract and vague concept. Although the event of an amateur causing an upset is definitely a more thrilling prospect from the hoi polloi perspective, one cannot help but ponder over the dilemma of hailing the worthy champion and who should be bestowed with the ‘hero’ endearment. It is probably the primitive instinct, to come out with the best, fight with your heart when one is left with no choices cornered and rather close to being down and out. When you see a rookie do that, somehow the audience connects to the achievement and personalizes him because somewhere deep down inside they are already familiarized to that position where almost invariably they have faltered. If this is how emotion decides the winner let us now give a chance to our reasons. The experienced campaigners on whom we have faith enough to endorse them with the title of favorites are present too. A series of immaculate performances given by them in the past provokes a lineage of expectations from captivated audience, which acts as an augmented encumber to the existent pressure. Their fans are waiting agog to find an opportunity to hail them. They adapt themselves to these implausible circumstances with the genius of being a professional. When these proven champions win, it is probably more of a satisfaction for the followers, merely an expectation being fulfilled by their icons, the masters. A momentary exhibition of joy accompanied by a silent exclamation is all that can be reactions to something great from the seasoned greats. Slowly, more often than not, admirers demand invariable superlative performances from their icons which they feel are bound to be delivered without any lapses. This madness is supposed to represent faith. The cool deliverances from the 'Stars' is the order of the day and reproach is their fate on account of their efforts turning to futile. Probably, this is something very clearly understood by those who have spent a fair amount of time in the hot seat, realizing their fates in the hands of the public and consequently getting detached, demoralized and vulnerable to the absence of ‘heart’ in their approach and efforts. Most of them probably had been the dawn of an era causing a turn around with epoch making performances the rule and somehow they become susceptible to being at the wrong end with time. Its probably only fair that humans chose change to be more perfect and encouraging because it is in the nature of the lesser diminutive mortals who claim themselves to be individuals. N’est-ce pas..?

Notes on my 'Scandal'

2009-01-05T22:23:00.000-08:00

After the crossing the turbulent uncertainties for these’teen’ years the ship or rather the barge of life is about to be docked to the port of twenty. Well my reflection on what I am is maybe that I am just another probability that human nature could have interpreted itself and consequently unfolded as. I have come to know about a lot stuff and ignorant of the rest, I have learnt to do a lot of things and I cant do the infinite others. I am proud of that, maybe arrogant, with an ego, prerequisite of being a self, the essence of existence as a human. I wouldn’t have it otherwise, not now. But I think I realized the achievements of my life are the fellow human beings called friends. I understand that we are different from each other but possibly I treasure them because I comprehend and respect their differences. Whatever it is, I think I can move on to the next scene, about which I have an idea but like everyone else I am looking forward to experience the dubiety the waters beyond is going to divulge. Till then, Happy Living or should I say at this moment, Happy ‘Darting’!!

Forsaken

2008-11-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

Its just the way things are
It seems I am standing so far
From the point where I wanted to be
I am sorry I cant be perfect, but then no one is
I am sorrier about what no one sees
The incomplete me striving to be
Seen perfectly.

Then, there is just hate,
There is just pain
The loneliness that drives me insane.
There is no luck, there is no hope
I am all but forsaken.

And when the night is dead
I crawl in the dark into my bed
Remember what has been said
The feelings that will never fade.
The only fact that remains
Realizing it again and again.

There is just hate,
There is just pain
the loneliness that drives me insane.
There is no luck, there is no hope
I am all but forsaken.

Just because its like this now doesn’t mean its never been this way before
But the gore inside is turning sore
I feel numb, I feel sick
Being left out,
Too weak to shout.
Why did you have to forsake me?
Couldn’t you just try and wake me?

I feel forsaken alone in my cage
I feel forsaken locked up with my rage
I wish I am mistaken ,
Given a chance to start all over again,

But there is just pain
the loneliness that drives me insane.
There is no luck, there is no hope
I am all but forsaken.

A Gift...

2008-10-17T22:46:00.000-07:00

I never had a passion for money as such
I thought I had enough and did not want much
The limits of money I could understand
This simple thought restricted my demands

But then I had to reconsider my thoughts about money
It had more worth than it seemed before
And this was funny.
After all money had some value
Maybe that’s why it was what most of us did pursue.

Now what was it that made my view change
Its true that the realization was strange
There are some things that money cant buy
Happiness is one of them and its not completely a lie.
I would like to put up an instance
Most of us have experienced it, quite a chance
How does it feel when someone buys you a gift
Are you not thrilled and exclaim alone in the lift?
But there is some happiness that overcomes you
When you present someone with a gift, with feelings true
The gift maybe humble or dear
Whatever it is there is lots to cheer.
Although a prize is never judged from its size
Everyone vies for the better buys.

So you can actually purchase happiness
For yourself and maybe someone else.
Its great to gift someone and see them smile and cry
You will feel it, its worth a try.
That’s why, I am sometimes not satisfied and I wish I was rich
And buy somebody the perfect gift for whom I have a niche.
Maybe with the money, today would have appeared sunny.
And in the end, I could spend
Some bucks for someone who brought me luck.

Yours truly

2008-08-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

Some men are great talents at putting us to sleep
But this guy is the best in the heap
Attending his classes would make you understand this
The pleasure of sleeping , you wouldn’t miss.
He would be the most boring prof you would meet ever
You would not like to interact with someone like him again, never.
Oh his lectures set in monotonous dry notes
You would hate to listen to his uninteresting quotes.
He speaks in a dry monotonous tone
He would speak some crap and understand them alone
He likes to give assignments, to be submitted next day
He checks them carefully, contradicts whatever you say
Each day he makes atrocious demands,
Making us tire as if running for errands.
He is not as innocent as he seems
In fact, at our misfortune he silently beams.
He has many tricks up his sleeve
Which troubles us when upon us he heaves.
He dresses ordinary and cheap
This can fox many as he pretends to be sheep.
He is a big know all kind of a guy
While commenting on everything he seems to know,
He is never shy.
He teaches with his hands on his hips
A lot of old wisdom on his finger tips
He has a bald hairstyle one of my friends admire
But we want to get rid of him, really that’s what we desire
He has told us to forget about marks, not to worry
In the end he would assign us a D and say he is sorry.
We are already frustrated, in such a short time,
We want him to leave, that’s prime.

Blame it on your shoe

2008-05-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

When you know you ought to be somewhere
And you cannot quite be there
You put something up to blame
What you are really doing is putting yourself to shame
Do you realize when you give a stupid excuse
Its really of no use
And you have only yourself to amuse.

When you want to do something and you can’t do
Ask yourself what is stopping you
You know the answer is “nothing”
In your heart you know its true
So when you can’t take the road ahead of you
What you can do is blame it on your shoe.

When you don’t have the courage to set out
You can sit back and shout
The road is not smooth and straight
You can’t see so you are not moving at any rate
Sit back and give upon your fate
The uneven path, the twists and turns
Its all in the life you’ve got to learn.

When you want to do something and you can’t do
Ask yourself what is stopping you
You know the answer is “nothing”
In your heart you know its true
So when you can’t take the road ahead of you
What you can do is blame it on your shoe.

If you don’t want to quit and move on
Get up and walk fast or you are gone.
If you need assurance your will is enough
Believe in yourself, though the road be tough
If still something in your mind is bothering you
Come on, get yourself a new pair of shoes.

Dedicated...

2008-04-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

This dark young fellow with low confidence
Is a professor here with unfortunate co incidence
He tries to be smart desperately
But to none s surprise fails miserably.
Even his colleagues hold him in contempt
His words to them seems tools of torment
We are disgusted by him to say the least
He is really a sort of idiotic beast
He talks with his eyes searching the ground
And mumbles nonsense and moves around
He speaks in a language unknown to us
Though we decide to ignore and avoid any fuss
He leaves the board dirty and untidy
At the end of his class we are really free.
Blessed are those who are sent out of his class
For being late or ‘disturbing’ the mass
His stupid intellect used to entertain us before
Now he has reduced to a big time bore.
He loves to give poor marks
Because he got those in his days
Please don’t mind or follow whatever he says.
His knowledge is limited so is his vocabulary
I am in his class Oh I am really sorry
How are the two more years going to go
With him around I don’t know
He is fondly and dearly called Ponga
The thing he best fits in is a tribal tonga.

LA MALADE POSTA

2008-03-04T11:37:00.000-08:00

Read it...

Gift of Freedom...

2008-02-27T12:26:00.000-08:00

Give freedom its worth
It’s the only thing you possess from birth.
Just because it’s the cage you can’t see
It doesn’t mean you are free
Don’t make yourself a matter of mirth
.
Of courage there is no dearth
Just a spark is required, kindled from the flaming hearth.
Show the people on the earth
When there is a clear sky
You have got what it takes to fly high

Friends its time now, awake
Just for your own sake.
Life is the chance for you to take.
Without freedom your living is fake.

It’s the gift of freedom, priceless of all
Give it to yourself and stand tall
Its an achievement, this freedom,
That is achieved only by some.
But they are the happiest lot
They want no more after what they have got.

Its already late, don’t waste any more time
Not listening to your soul is the greatest crime
Hurry, break the wall
Break your own fall
Break the shackles put on you
They were put on before you even knew.

Make a choice, let it prevail
Do you want to live in the jail?
Or do you want to do want to do what you desire?
Then open your eyes and see the fire
Set it upon your gaol and people would admire.

Wear the freedom’s attire, with pride,
Believe me, happiness will be on your side
The choice is yours, and the pleasure is mine
The gift of freedom is exquisitely fine.

why am i here...?

2008-02-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

I had a dream once
But fate didn’t give me a chance
To realize them
Harsh realities blurred my aim
And I reduced to nothing but shame
There is a question my mind has to bear
What am I doing and why am I here?

Now I look at the looming darkness and stare
Asking a question that’s fair
What in life have I found?
“Nothing” the answer echoes all around.
Is this the question my mind has to bear
What am I doing and why am I here?

I search for happiness and hope
My soul wants to embrace freedom and elope
I want to sleep in the cradle of nature
Even She doesn’t pay heed to the need of my stature.
That is the question my mind has to bear
What am I doing and why am I here?

I feel I am tired of this world
I don’t have the courage to be bold
I am aware of my eminent doom
I think it will be over for me soon.
My soul is knocking on Heavens door
I love that song and want to listen more.

Then a lonely stranger comes out of a blind alley
I step aside from my confused road and realize my folly
Happiness is not what something you pursue
You make people happy and it comes to you.
I have my answers to the question I cried
I believe my known stranger and stand beside.

Demand of D-Day...

2008-02-13T11:47:00.000-08:00

I can make you laugh, I can make you cry
Don’t give up upon me, its worth a try,
Because that is all you do in the only one life
Gimme a chance, its too short for any strife.

Believe me,
I wanna do good, I wanna feel good
I wanna get what I deserve.
That’s why I pray to you, I beg of you
Because it all depends on your verve.

A little bit of happiness, the rest is sorrow
Life is today, there is no tomorrow.
You can only make people happy, and see it in their eyes
Feel it yourself, only evil denies.

Believe me,
I wanna do good, I wanna feel good
I wanna get what I deserve.
That’s why I pray to you, I beg of you
Because it all depends on your verve.

You are a part of my fantasies,
I could make it in yours with ease
We can make it,
we don’t have to fake it.

Can’t you see I am hopeless, I crave for some care
I have a reason to beg, some warmth from the fire
I want a place in your story, your only one
I will fill it with colors, second to none.

Believe me,
I wanna do good, I wanna feel good
I wanna get what I deserve.
That’s why I pray to you, I beg of you
Because it all depends on your verve.

One more...

2008-02-08T23:16:00.000-08:00

Be silent, if you are attending this class
Well if you are not then save your neighbor’s ass.
I’ll kill you he will bark, his voice modulation stark
His words though will fail to make a mark.
Get out of my class to someone he’ll say
The other guy was talking so he will have a look of dismay.
Catching the wrong guy every time is his ability
That’s makes us question his mental stability.
Oh his voice monotonous and dry
Can make any subject uninteresting if he’ll just try.
You’ll check your watch again and again
You’ll end his class almost an insane.
He appears to be a gentleman the way he speaks
You are mistaken, as his word consequently leaks.
You can barely hear him, you can figure out the word right
As he speaks with his lips pressed tight.
I find this fellow too much proud
I would have been happier if he was more loud.
You can make the class interesting, if you give yourself a task to complete…
Count the number of Rights per hour., I am sure there’s no one even to compete
His lectures and advices will give you headache
Genuineness of creativity needed for success’ sake.
I don’t know if he knows its meaning
His English is not that reassuring.
His name is .......(withheld)
While giving grades he is not a Santa.
A good point to end this note
His drawings are neat and great, upon which I dote.

Sorry Sir...

2008-02-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

Some classes are interesting even before we enter them
My oh my! I am facing such classes this sem
He makes you “out”standing if u are late
Holding your ears for 120 seconds u laugh at your own fate
Its our Prof D .S .Roy
Pity upon him, the poor old boy.

He is a crack we have decided unanimously
He talks to himself that he does generally
No one understands what he says, I don’t even try.
When he asks questions, I pretend to be shy
It’s our Prof D .S .Roy
Pity upon him the poor old boy

The only thing I do is to see through the hour
Theory of structures is not my bread, the grapes are sour
What he explains is utter nonsense
When I say that it’s just an understatement
It’s our Prof D .S .Roy
Pity upon him the poor old boy

He tries to make us laugh, successful in every single attempt
That’s because we hold his sense of humor in contempt
He is passionate about assignments god knows why
The abominal guy likes us to cry
It’s our Prof D .S .Roy
Pity upon him the poor old boy.

I am racking my brains how to manage a B
My only concern is not to slide upon a P
I am coaxing my dad why he got me in here
It’s tough to bear without shedding a tear
I wish the time could fly
I can’t wait to say the man goodbye
It’s our Prof D .S .Roy
Pity upon him
He likes to destroy.

Advice....probably to myself

2008-02-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

At some time in our lives we do find ourselves in some sort of a hole,. We ask ourselves why? We ponder that everything was right a moment ago, we did our ‘jobs’ perfectly…so what happened suddenly? Now I ask you what your job was..?? Did you do what you liked the most. or what you wanted to do all the time..what your heart’s wish was..??
Or did you simply do what someone had told you when you were vulnerable, what society required of you..? or what you required of society to earn money so that you have money to bear yourself. Some imposed careers. Just be frank and clear to yourself …what got you to do what you were doing. Was it you or your fears? You chose a path simply because it was the predictable one. You ignored what was inside you , what you could automatically do because you were not certain that it could support you..or you were wary that it would require more struggle. In order to have an easy life you gave up a more worthy option, a happy life. You will realize all this sooner or later when you get yourself in that hole. When you understand the road you took was not for you it will be too late. why are you afraid to listen to your heart.? What bothers you the most.? The fear of unknown …..
Well being brave is not about not fearing at all, its about remembering about more important things than fear, its about facing the fear for your own sake. We have been given only one chance called life we got to enjoy it. We enjoy it by doing what automatically comes to us, the things most natural to us, what our mind is most relaxed and comfortable in doing. We take the path that we like, not bothering about consequences beforehand but facing them as they come. Believe that if you are true to yourself ,the problems will take care of themselves. Even if you have to struggle, let it be fun. Don’t ever do anything that you are not satisfied with, its not your job. Listen to your own voice, give yourself a chance, the end does not matter, the road itself is the life. Just see you don’t regret at any point, take care you don’t have to cry over spilt milk. Believe in yourself and not in the damn rules of society. I don’t know if I made myself clear, but try to be genuine and true in whatever you do. Just feel right , feel good , feel yourself. Help yourself. Best of luck..!1

Recapitulations..(a little more for those who already know)

2008-02-02T06:18:00.000-08:00

Life has been short, it has been
To be precise its nineteen.
I am not yet done and free
But I want to turn back and see
Faded pictures from memory
Some recapitulations of my history.

I was bestowed with a father and mother
They loved me and one another
I had no matters to bother
People complimented me honestly I gather.

It did not last long
I had to grow up ,I had to be strong
But an unwanted accident impaired my dreams
Did not realize then but now it seems.

Life has been short, it has been
To be precise its nineteen.
I am not yet done and free
But I want to turn back and see
Faded pictures from memory
Some recapitulations of my history.

I started schooling, entered a new world
I was ugly and silly, I was often told.
After some years felt humiliated
Gathered my courage, decided and retaliated.
Academics was my strength, ranked something in class
Cricket was my passion, I bowled pretty fast.
I had achievements to my name
From here though they all appear void and same
I made some friends, or so they were supposed to be
Behind my back they did not accepted my success in glee.
I became ambitious, less and less humble
At an important juncture I took a tumble.

Life has been short, it has been
To be precise its nineteen.
I am not yet done and free
But I want to turn back and see
Faded pictures from memory
Some recapitulations of my history.

I fell in love, or so it seemed
For those moments with happiness my eyes gleamed.
I forgot the upcoming night in the shining day
I was hurt, she wasn’t there to stay.

Since then failures overflowed my door
I began to crumble, I could not take anymore.
Companions evaporated as if they were never there
I stood alone, faced the darkness to stare.

I fell ill often, reasons no one knew
I didn’t want to live anymore, took a step
My surviving chances were few.
Well I survived, learnt about a fact
I was sort of a mental handicap.
The doctors told me I was a kook
I hated the way they said I hated their look
I was disgusted, worn out and tired
There wasn’t anything in the world I admired.
I entered the college or a ghost of me
I didn’t know him, who was he?

Life has been short, it has been
To be precise its nineteen.
I am not yet done and free
But I want to turn back and see
Faded pictures from memory
Some recapitulations of my history.

Then came today after nineteen years of living
I was buried in my gloom, when I saw something
An apparition similar to me
But there was a fire in it, which I could see.
I realized every cloud has a silver lining
I stood up and ran towards the light shining.

Life is all about moments I remember none
Nineteen years have gone, there’s nothing to be done.
Life is all about relations, I recapitulate none
That I have not enjoyed any, is not fun.
But I learnt a lesson
Life has not ended for me and there’s no need to hasten
I have got nothing so I have nothing to lose
I have plenty in front of me from which to choose.

It’s the riddle of life, you have to solve it on your own
You reap what you’ve sown
I messed it up once, don’t know who to blame
What disappointed me to shame.
Well I think I was alone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own.
Its different now, a flame is burning.
I am attracted to it, I can see the road turning.

An idea..

2008-01-31T09:24:00.000-08:00

Woke up in the morning, found my pillows tears soaked
Remembered again what got me provoked
I’ve been down and out now for a few days
Given up dreaming, the desire to chase.
I looked up at the date,
Said ‘That’s enough mate…!,’

It has been a crazy life
Lots of ups and down
For the last time looked up at the sky,
Kissed it goodbye, for
I’m gonna go down and die.

I’ve been ambitious , nothing quenched my thirst
Turned back to my friends, they were all lost
Tried to be tough,crumbled inside
When even the little girl, left my side.
Looked up at the sun, the weathers bad
I’ve got to go, not at all sad,

It has been a crazy life
Lots of ups and down
For the last time looked up at the sky,
Kissed it goodbye, for
I’m gonna go down and die.

Hope and happiness is all that I dreamt
None really understood what I really meant
So I wanna start it all over again,
In a new place in a new time, where things will be mine.
Tumbling ,crashing I want to disappear
Where I’ll be out of sight, out of mind and none will be near.

It has been a crazy life
Lots of ups and down
For the last time looked up at the sky,
Kissed it goodbye, for
I’m gonna go down and die.

I decide..

2008-01-30T12:24:00.000-08:00

Until yesterday,
There seemed no sun in the sky
And everything tempted me to cry
I didn’t find any doors open, no lights coming through,
Couldn’t figure out whats next to do.

Then I made called upon a voice,
I wanted to know her choice,

I decided I didn’t care anymore,
Because I decide where s the shore
I decide whats right or wrong
And only I decide if I am going strong.
I decided that Ill decide
Im gonna face it and not going to hide.

There’s always fire when you need
Always light when your eyes are open
And you bother to heed
I didn’t mess up waiting for a miracle to come
In the nick of time she came along

I said, help me take the right decisions,
Which way to turn
Lessons to learn, just what am I supposed to do.

I decided I didn’t care anymore,
Because I decide where s the shore
I decide whats right or wrong
And only I decide if I am going strong.
I decided that Ill decide
Im not gonna run and not going to hide.

Today I feel the warmth of life
Remembering the puzzled me last night
Happiness crept into me slowly
who was she, who removed the melancholy.

Twas a hangover Ill never forget
Too many sweet delusions, I regret

Still,
I decided I didn’t care anymore,
Because I decide where s the shore
I decide whats right or wrong
And only I decide if I am going strong.
I decided that Ill decide
Im gonna face it and not going to hide.